am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
