i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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