i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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