Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I supernannyed him into submission
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
