Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
