It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
