apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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