Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
