I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
