Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
