I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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