I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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