I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
