**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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