I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
