Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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