did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
