Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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