wat bout pragnant strippers??
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
