She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
