How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
