did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
