Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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