She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I love you. Go after that dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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