FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
