my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
