my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
