Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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