he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
