The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
third nipple confirmed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
