Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
