I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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