If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
