The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
