i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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