his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
