I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
