I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
