I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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