Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
