Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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