It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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