pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
