im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
