Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
