Can i not drive my cunt home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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