i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
