It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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