ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
