the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
