Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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