Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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