I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
