I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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