so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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