Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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