She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
