Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
