just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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