I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
