Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize