bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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