Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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