do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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