they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize