If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
