who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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