Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
