I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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