Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
