He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
